What Are ‘Living Room Families’ and ‘Bedroom Families’?

Right now, my 6-year-old and 3-year-old sons are building magnet block houses in our family room, which is overrun by toys and coloring books. A few moments ago, my tween and teen daughters were snacking and laughing in here as well. 

It often gets crowded in this space, and sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by the chaos. But as it turns out, we may be what’s being called a “living room family” on TikTok—and that is something to feel very fortunate about, according to many creators.

‘Living Room Families’ vs. ‘Bedroom Families’

According to the general consensus on TikTok, “living room families” are described as those who most often congregate in one common area of the home, like a designated family room or basement, usually where the main TV is.

“Bedroom families” are described as spending most of their home time in separate rooms, like bedrooms or offices, usually with their own TVs or devices. This activity can also shape how things like family mealtime might look in the home.

Many TikTok creators are sharing that they grew up in “bedroom families” and how it affected them. One mom who goes by the handle @lacroix_goth shares her vivid recollections of her mom serving Hamburger Helper on a tray outside of her bedroom like she was a prisoner.

“I have memories of my mom saying ‘please leave us alone,’” she recalls, describing her “bedroom family” as one that made her feel like she had to figure things out for herself.

Meanwhile, a creator who uses the handle @5unnyday55 suggests you can identify a “bedroom family” instantly because their home looks like they don’t even have kids until you go into the bedrooms to see toys scattered all around.

But, as the creator asserts, worrying about the messiness of kids’ stuff isn’t worth the time–as stated in the video’s captions, you can’t replace the feelings instilled in kids who grow up in a comfortable space where they feel welcome.

Another mom who goes by @enigmatic_actuality7 offers an emotional recounting of how she grew up in a “bedroom family,” and never felt safe to be in any other area of the home.

“I very much was relegated to my room,” the mom says about her childhood. “I did not bring my things out anywhere.” 

Referring to her own son, she says, “He’s right there in the mix with everybody. “The mess can be cleaned up.” The fact that he feels safe to be in the family room means everything to her, and as the creator confides, learning about the concept of “living room families” “was so incredibly validating” since she often wonders if she is a good mom.

Countless other submissions talk about how healing the idea of being a “living room family” can be for adults who grew up in “bedroom families.” The trend is helping them embrace the messiness of and comfort of being together without feeling self-conscious. I’ll admit that I am also beginning to see the mess of Matchbox cars and blocks impeding my path to the kitchen in a new light.

Watching my sons play at my feet feels particularly special since my older children are at an age where they retreat to their rooms more often. I remember a time when their dolls and costumes littered the living room. But now, during their teen years, I find myself having to beg them to come out of their rooms to spend time with us!

I guess we have half of a “bedroom family” and half of a “living room family”. 

Family Dynamics Can Vary–And That’s Okay

Ultimately, every family dynamic is different, leading to varying definitions of what “family time” can look like. Whether parents work irregular hours outside the home, the kids have a packed schedule of evening activities, or there are special needs involved, many factors play a role in how you’re able to prioritize time.

Despite what it may look like in practice, there does seem to be value in at least attempting to carve out some regular time together as a family in a common space. With that in mind, we do need to be wary of how things like personality traits and kids’ relationships with social media might clash with the idea and send family members to different rooms for escape. There’s something to be said about how valuable it can be to have your own space as a parent to decompress or even retreat for a while.

Basically, if you don’t spend most of your time at home together or eat every meal as a family, that doesn’t necessarily need to be chalked up as a failure. But maybe a win looks different for different families during different seasons.

As much as I can coax my older kids out of their rooms to spend time amid the chaos with their younger siblings, it’s worth the effort (and mess) for the moments of security and belonging they will take with them into adulthood.

Besides, soon enough we’ll be an “empty nest family,” and it’ll be so quiet in the house, I’ll likely yearn for the closeness!